Two Ways to Existential Kink a Don’t-Like Situation: The Experience vs. Your No
A core practice in Shadow Alchemy is learning how to work with situations you don’t like, not through fixing or bypassing, but through radical approval of what arises.
Teaching Call 3 offers a powerful Existential Kink (EK) distinction:
There are two different things you can “EK.”
The sensations of the situation itself
The sensations of your resistance to it
Those are not the same.
And alternating between them is a deep integration practice.
The First Layer: EK the Sensations of the Experience
Choose a real don’t-like situation.
Something mild but present:
being ignored
a boring obligation
an awkward interaction
waiting
disappointment
being spoken to in a diminishing way
Now, instead of narrating it, notice what sensations it awakens:
tightening in the chest
heat in the face
buzzing in the belly
contraction
sadness
tension
This is the EK move:
Can you be wildly willing to experience that sensation as pleasure?
Not the story.
The raw inner quality.
The charge.
The Second Layer: EK the Sensations of Your No
Now comes the advanced layer:
Your resistance is its own sensation-field.
On other days, instead of EK-ing the experience, you EK the response:
The “fuck this.”
The “I hate this.”
The “I want this out of my life.”
The “this is unacceptable.”
That No is not just an opinion.
It is a somatic event:
clenched jaw
fire in the chest
rigidity
despair
urgency
recoil
Shadow Alchemy asks:
Can you approve the sensations of your refusal itself?
Why This Works: The No Contains Charge
Most people try to get rid of the No.
They try to transcend it.
They try to calm it down.
But in EK-style shadow work, the No is part of the portal.
Resistance is often where the deepest erotic charge hides.
The nervous system is alive there.
Approval does not erase boundaries.
It metabolizes unconscious intensity.
The Alternating Practice (Try This)
Work with one don’t-like situation for a week or two.
Alternate:
Day A
EK the sensations of the situation itself.
Day B
EK the sensations of your resistance to it.
Back and forth.
This creates integration from both directions:
experience
reaction
sensation
refusal
approval
freedom
Over time, the pattern softens, not because you forced it, but because you included all of it.
This Is Existential Kink as Real Practice
EK is not about convincing yourself that something is okay.
It is about noticing what you are actually experiencing, and approving the somatic charge underneath both:
the circumstance
and your resistance
That is Shadow Alchemy.
The end of exile.
Return to the Shadow Alchemy Hub
New here?
Start with Lucy Baldwin’s complete Shadow Alchemy overview for readers of Existential Kink and EK-style erotic shadow integration
Frequently Asked Questions (EK and Resistance)
Why EK the resistance instead of fixing it?
Because resistance is itself a sensation-field full of unconscious charge. Approving it metabolizes the pattern at the root.
Does radical approval mean I should tolerate harm?
No. Approval is an inner integration practice, not an endorsement of mistreatment. Boundaries can remain while the nervous system becomes freer.
How long should I stay with one situation?
Stay until it no longer hooks you, or until it resolves. Integration is often gradual.
What if I can’t approve the sensation yet?
That’s normal. Capacity builds over time. Start small and go slowly.
Next Steps: Enter DOMINION
If this practice feels alive, you are ready for the deeper field.
Shadow Alchemy is not conceptual.
It is radical approval practiced over time, in relationship, in community.
That is what DOMINION: A Field of Radical Approval is for.
DOMINION is Lucy Baldwin’s EK-themed community for people who want to live the practice:
real-time somatic EK integration
radical approval without self-deception
taboo, resistance, and desire metabolized into freedom
embodiment-based shadow work beyond purity
the end of exile