Dom and Sub Dynamics in Everyday Life: Power Is Held on Both Sides
When people hear “Dom” and “Sub,” they often think of something obvious:
One person has the power.
The other person does not.
But Shadow Alchemy offers a subtler, more penetrating view:
Power is held on both sides of the equation.
Dom/sub dynamics are not only sexual.
They are relational.
They show up constantly in conversation, intimacy, family systems, coaching, and even everyday negotiation.
And they are far more fluid than most people realize. t5
Power Dynamics Are Always Moving
In daily life, roles are rarely fixed.
Sometimes you lead.
Sometimes you yield.
Sometimes you step forward.
Sometimes you surrender.
Often, power shifts moment by moment.
A “Dom” is not simply someone who dominates.
A “Sub” is not simply someone who obeys.
These are energetic positions, not permanent identities.
The Sub Is Not Powerless
A central Shadow Alchemy insight from this call is that submission can be chosen.
And choice is power.
Sometimes “letting someone take the reins” is not weakness.
It is discernment.
It is a conscious decision to create ease, flow, or spaciousness in the interaction.
In other words:
A willing sub can be deeply powerful. t5
Submission Can Be a Power Move
This is where the nuance becomes delicious:
You may yield because you are afraid.
Or you may yield because you are sovereign.
You may surrender because you are collapsing.
Or you may surrender because you trust.
Sometimes allowing another person to be dominant for a moment is actually a form of leadership:
You are giving the dynamic room to complete its arc.
Then it can soften.
Then it can return.
Domination Is Not Force
In Shadow Alchemy, domination is not crude coercion.
It is clarity.
It is presence.
It is the willingness to hold the line of an interaction.
Sometimes doming is simply:
asking the direct question
naming what is happening
refusing to be pulled off center
not needing the other person’s approval
Dom energy is often just unhooked attention.
Coaching Reveals These Dynamics Instantly
This call includes a fascinating coaching-specific example:
Some clients want to stay “on top” energetically.
They resist being guided.
They may unconsciously want the experience of superiority, frustration, or control.
A mature practitioner does not panic about this.
They recognize:
People are always getting what they want, consciously or unconsciously.
And sometimes the “power dynamic” is the session. t5
The Key Question: Do You Like This Dynamic?
One of the most liberating teachings here is simple:
You get to choose what kinds of dynamics you want in your life and work.
Some coaches enjoy holding people through resistance.
Others do not.
Neither is wrong.
Shadow Alchemy is not about performing a role.
It is about telling the truth of what you want.
Desire is the compass.
Existential Kink and Relational Power
Under the banner of Existential Kink (EK), these dynamics become even more illuminating:
Where do you secretly enjoy yielding?
Where do you secretly enjoy resisting?
Where do you get off on frustration?
Where do you crave containment?
Power dynamics reveal unconscious desire.
That is why they are such potent shadow material.
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Frequently Asked Questions (Dom/Sub in Daily Life)
Are dom/sub dynamics only sexual?
No. Shadow Alchemy treats them as everyday energetic positions that show up in conversation, family systems, coaching, and intimacy.
Is the sub powerless?
No. Submission can be chosen consciously, which is a form of power.
Is dominance the same as coercion?
No. Dom energy is often clarity, presence, and unhooked leadership, not force.
Why look at power dynamics through an EK lens?
Because they reveal unconscious desire, resistance, and where charge lives relationally.
Next Steps: Enter DOMINION
If this teaching feels alive, you are ready for the deeper field.
Shadow Alchemy is not abstract.
It is relational practice, desire clarity, and radical approval over time.
That is what DOMINION: A Field of Radical Approval is for.
DOMINION is Lucy Baldwin’s EK-themed community for those exploring real erotic shadow integration:
relational power dynamics as shadow material
embodied Existential Kink beyond story
radical approval without performance
desire, surrender, resistance metabolized into freedom
the end of exile