Desire Resistance Is Not a Problem: The Hidden Function of Not Wanting (Shadow Alchemy + EK)
One of the first things Shadow Alchemy teaches is this:
Resistance is not an accident.
The places you cannot want what you want are not failures.
They are psychic intelligence.
Existential Kink (EK) is one practice inside Shadow Alchemy that tells the truth very cleanly:
Sometimes the part of you that does not want is getting something.
Sometimes the “no” has a payoff.
Shadow Alchemy begins when we stop treating resistance as the enemy.
And start treating it as the door.
What Desire Resistance Actually Is
Most people think desire is straightforward.
You want something.
You pursue it.
You receive it.
But the unconscious is not that simple.
Desire touches visibility.
Responsibility.
Belonging.
It threatens old identities.
So the nervous system contracts.
Not because you are broken.
Because you learned wanting could be dangerous.
Shadow Alchemy does not shame this.
It illuminates it.
The Positive Function of Not Wanting
The most powerful question is not:
How do I get rid of resistance?
It is:
What is this resistance protecting?
A part of you may believe:
Wanting will hurt someone.
Wanting will make you selfish.
Wanting will lead to disappointment.
Wanting will expose you.
Wanting will require you to receive.
Resistance is often loyalty.
To safety.
To love.
To the old rules.
Why Forcing Desire Backfires
Self improvement culture treats resistance like a problem to crush.
But forcing only reinforces one message:
What is here now is unacceptable.
Shadow Alchemy works differently.
It says:
Even this hesitation belongs.
Even this “no” belongs.
Even this contraction belongs.
Existential Kink is the practice of approving the hidden charge.
Not fixing it.
Including it.
The Shadow Alchemy Move: Approve the “No” First
EK offers a radical inversion:
Stop chasing the desire.
Turn toward the refusal.
Ask:
What do you get from not wanting this?
Let the answer be taboo.
Let it be irrational.
Let it be honest.
Then the real move:
Offer radical approval to the resisting part.
You do not overcome the block.
You include it.
That is integration.
Resistance as Belonging
Many people learned early:
Desire makes you too much.
Wanting disrupts attachment.
Wanting risks exile.
So resistance becomes a strategy.
A way to stay inside love.
Shadow Alchemy asks:
What if the resisting part is not wrong?
What if it is trying to keep you safe inside belonging?
Compassion changes everything.
The nervous system loosens when it is not being attacked.
A Somatic Practice: Meeting the Resistance
Try this gently:
Name the desire.
Feel where the resistance lives in the body.
Whisper:
Thank you for protecting me.
Ask:
What are you afraid would happen if I received?
Let the answer come.
Then offer:
Of course you feel that.
You belong here too.
This is Shadow Alchemy.
This is Existential Kink as embodiment.
Not concept.
A Common Misunderstanding
Radical approval does not mean acting out every desire.
It does not erase boundaries.
It ends exile.
You can approve the desire.
Approve the resistance.
Approve the taboo fantasy.
And still choose wisely.
Shadow Alchemy is not indulgence.
It is intimacy with the unconscious.
What Changes When the “No” Is Included
When the resistance is welcomed, desire becomes cleaner.
Less desperate.
Less charged.
Less shame-bound.
You stop forcing.
You start receiving.
That is freedom.
That is the work.
Return to the Shadow Alchemy Hub
New here?
Start with Lucy Baldwin’s complete Shadow Alchemy overview for readers drawn to Existential Kink (EK) and radical approval
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I resist the things I want most?
Because desire often touches fear, responsibility, visibility, and old conditioning. Resistance is usually protection, not failure.
Is resistance a sign I should not pursue something?
Not always. Shadow Alchemy helps you include the resistance before deciding what is true.
How does Existential Kink relate to Shadow Alchemy?
EK is one powerful practice within Shadow Alchemy that reveals the unconscious payoff beneath patterns through radical approval.
Does radical approval mean I must act on every desire?
No. Approval is internal inclusion, not external behavior. Boundaries remain essential.
Next Steps: Enter DOMINION
If this teaching hits, you are ready for the deeper field.
Shadow Alchemy is where unconscious desire becomes conscious.
Where resistance becomes integration.
Where the kink underneath the pattern becomes freedom.
That is what DOMINION: A Field of Radical Approval is for.
DOMINION is Lucy Baldwin’s community devoted to:
somatic Shadow Alchemy practice
embodied Existential Kink beyond story
radical approval without bypass
taboo, longing, resistance metabolized into freedom
the end of exile